Matthew's Story: Finally Free

Before addiction entered my life, I already felt trapped. Growing up, I was an emotional kid who often felt like I did not belong. I searched for approval from other people and constantly felt like something was missing.

When I first started using drugs, they gave me an escape from feelings I had struggled with for so long. They quieted my mind and helped me avoid emotions I did not know how to deal with. I thought I had finally found freedom. Over time, drugs stopped being an escape and became something I depended on just to get through life. What I once used to escape my feelings slowly became my prison.

Trying to change

For years, I tried to change. I went through treatment multiple times, made promises to myself and the people who loved me, and convinced myself that next time would be different. No matter how badly I wanted my life to change, I kept finding myself back in the same place. I reached a point where I felt completely alone and hopeless.

On November 17, 2022, I found myself in the back of a police car for the final time. I could not see it then, but my life was beginning to change. I finally stopped trying to do everything my way.

I began listening to people who had found the kind of life I wanted. I took suggestions even when I did not understand it, and I started showing up when I did not want to.

Early recovery

Early recovery was difficult. Part of me wanted a different life, while another part still wanted to get high. I remember repeatedly praying to  the universe, “Help me. I just want to stop.”

Sometimes recovery begins before we are completely ready. Sometimes it starts with simply being willing to become willing.

Slowly, my life changed. I learned that freedom was not about never struggling again. Freedom was being able to experience uncomfortable emotions without needing to run from them. It was asking for help, allowing people into my life, and becoming someone I could respect.

Helping others today

Today, I have an incredible support system that has become my family. For over three years, I have mentored and sponsored men in recovery, and for the past 18 months, I have worked as a Substance Use Disorder counselor.

My experience shapes how I help people today. I know what it feels like to want to change and not know how. I also know what can happen when someone becomes willing to accept help. Your story does not have to look like mine for me to understand your struggle. You do not have to lose everything before your life is worth changing.

For years, I thought drugs gave me freedom. Recovery taught me what freedom really is.

Today, I am finally free.