AJ Celebrates 6 Years of Recovery

This past Thursday marked 6 years of continuous sobriety. Now, depending on who you ask, some might say that they can’t even conceptualize being sober for that long and others will say that I am just getting started. As I sit and reflect, I think that both statements are true. 

Much like New Years, a sobriety date is a time where natural reflection comes into play. Every year of being sober, this week is always a bit…well its odd. I have so many mixed feelings and emotions that at times, it can feel very hard to sift through. It is almost as if I am unable to understand what is going on in my head and my heart. During this week and the week leading up to it, I reflect on so many different things. I look at the year past, I look at the entirety of my sobriety and I also look back on these particular two weeks. After all, the two weeks leading up to today don’t just mark a changing of my life, it also marks a time when things were…well, let’s just say things weren’t so hot. As I look back, I think that is the genesis of the mix of feelings. On one hand, there is so much gratitude that I am filled with. There are no words that I could string together that would adequately describe how grateful I am for my sobriety and the many things that it has given me. On the other hand, I am filled with immense sadness in looking back on where I was 6 years ago. Being here now, it is hard to fathom that my life was once very hollow. There are other parts of that sadness – shame with actions that I took and people that I hurt and frustration with myself that I let things get so bad. As I sift through this mountain of feelings, I go back to the two separate voices – “I can’t believe you have 6 years, I can’t even imagine that” and “Ahhh, you are just getting started.”

They’re both right. I look back to where I was 6 years ago, and I remember vividly being in a treatment center and hearing people say “I’ve got 30 days today” and thinking to myself “THIRTY?!?!” I couldn’t comprehend how that person got to that point. Then, there are days like today where a lot of those 6 years feel like they happened so fast. So many things happened to get me to this point – so many people helping me, so many people being kind to me, supporting me and loving me. None of this happened without that supporting cast. It was also that supporting cast that pulled me out of the mud and helped me to realize that I am worth it and that not only was I deserving of the help that was being offered but that I would be able to turn the tide of what was happening in my life. When I think about the other voice, the one that says it’s still early, I immediately think about the position that being sober has put me in. Getting sober has given me the opportunity to really show up – for friends and family and most importantly, for myself. It has allowed me to create a life that I want to be a part of. It has allowed me to be present for the people that I care about accomplish things that I always wanted to accomplish. I look at these 6 years and what they have given me and I really can conceptualize those people who say that its early. If sobriety has given me this much in 6 years…what else does it have in store for me if I continue to walk this path?

I always find it interesting when two opposites are true at the same time. Yes, it is still early for my recovery. To me, that just means that I have so much more wonderful growth to experience. Yes, I can’t believe it’s been 6 years. It allows me to look and see just how far I’ve come and all the work that went into it. I will end here – no matter if you have 10 minutes, days or years…bravo and I can’t wait for all you have in store.