Addiction is a Matter of Life and Death

Addiction is a Matter of Life and Death 

Addiction is a Matter of Life and Death 

In thinking about what to write I asked my colleague what she thought was a good topic that would resonate with others. Unfortunately, she just lost a friend to addiction and she very poignantly said “I can't stop thinking about how life and death the whole situation of addiction is.” If you know anyone who has battled addiction, you know that death is something that can be a part of it.  I think up until now our blogs have had the flavor of positivity, something that is very important. It is equally important to be realistic about what 22 million Americans and all of the people who love them may face - the ultimate rock bottom. 

I remember first hearing “this is life or death!” and immediately thinking how dramatic everyone was being. After all, I was only doing copious amounts of drugs that could stop my respiratory system - not sure what everyone was freaking out about. Then I heard stories of people who knew others who overdosed or died of alcohol poisoning and I immediately remembered the funeral that I went to, for one of my best friends in college. He too died of an overdose, a light extinguished far too soon. 

I Had Little to no Insight Into The Risk of My Addiction

I think back to using and if the threat of overdosing or crashing my car while intoxicated ever crossed my mind. The honest answer is that I know it did. However, when actively using, I couldn’t let that cloud my judgement of what I needed to do - get my hands on something that would make me feel better in that moment. Research suggests that when someone has prolonged exposure or use of a substance, it actually becomes a survival mechanism. It completely overrides the brain and specifically, the prefrontal cortex (where judgement is created) and makes the substance the number one thing on our priority list. Not even the threat of losing my life could stop me. I think back to this and I can honestly say that I am the most fortunate and blessed person to be alive. 

Realizations Setting In

The first time I truly digested what everyone was saying was the first funeral I went to in sobriety. It was a friend of a friend and someone who I had spent some time with. Selfishly and also I think naturally, the only thought I had during the experience was “this seriously could have been me.” I walked out of that with a whole new perspective on the statement “this is life and death.” Ever since that first encounter, I have had the unfortunate experience of having to go to and hear of more and more people losing their life due to addiction. For me, there are two extremely hard realizations when this happens. First, I think that people who struggle with addiction are some of the most talented, creative and wonderful people this earth has to offer. It is gut wrenching to me to think of what the world was deprived of because those people are no longer in it. Secondly, the family, friends and loved ones that are left behind. Addiction is not an isolated illness and no one is an island. When I am actively using, everyone around me feels the effects. 

My Own Experience with Death and Addiction

On the morning of April 10 this year, I got a text message from a good friend who told me that one of our oldest and closest friends passed away from an overdose. I remember looking at my phone and just wilting towards the ground. I sat on the stairs, staring at the text message hoping and praying that it was a mistake. She confirmed it as did posts on social media and I honestly did not know what to do with myself. I called my mom and just cried on the phone. That whole weekend was a complete blur and I couldn't really do anything other than sit on the couch - I was in a complete haze of sadness. I don’t think the pain of losing someone you love ever goes away; it only gets smaller. I miss my friend very much and I think about him all the time. He was someone who was truly larger than life and had the uncanny ability to make anyone he met feel loved and safe. He could also make anyone laugh, no matter the circumstance. The world lost a very special person in my humble opinion. This is the reality when addiction is not treated - there are serious consequences and so many people feel and experience the reverberations. If you think you need help or you know someone who does - we are happy to help you. If you just want to chat, please reach out. You are very much worth it and deserving of a wonderful life.