I Didn’t Have a Moment. I Had a Decision.

I got sober for the first time in 1999 after going to treatment in South Florida. Before that, I was a classic party kid of the 90s, all over New York City and New England, living a lifestyle that revolved around substances. Looking back, it wasn’t casual. I was in a relationship with drugs. At the same time, I was navigating my sexuality in a very different era, carrying a lot of shame and without the tools to process it. Substances became how I coped.

In early recovery, I did what was asked of me. I built a strong network, stayed connected, and found stability. But in 2004, after moving to Boston from Florida, I convinced myself I had “graduated” from recovery. I started drinking. And I was never a drinker, so I figured this was ok.. At first it seemed manageable. I had a successful career in the arts and was living as a snowbird between Boston and South Florida. On the outside, things looked good - if not enviable. Underneath, it was already unraveling.

Alcohol took hold of me in a way I never imagined. I lost everything. I cycled through state-run detox after state-run detox, rarely getting more than ten days sober. My support system began to fall away, and I was seen as a lost cause. Physically, I was deteriorating. I had multiple seizures and came close to dying more than once. Still, I couldn’t stop. At that point, I didn’t care if I lived or died.

There was no dramatic turning point or spiritual awakening. I was just done. Done with the cycle, the damage, and the repetition. I stopped, not perfectly, but with determination. I leaned on what remained of my support network and began building new ones. I went back to meetings and took them seriously. I showed up, listened, and allowed myself to be helped.

Today, I’m living a life I could not have imagined back then. It is not perfect, but it is real, stable, and meaningful. I have spent the past ten years working in the substance abuse field, helping others navigate their own recovery. I am especially grateful to be part of You Are Accountable, where the focus on connection, accountability, and real support aligns with everything I believe about this work.

I did not have a moment that changed everything. I made a decision. And that was enough to start.