Hey there, my name’s Kimber.

My journey is just one of so many stories that others can identify with when it comes to the struggle with drinking and addiction. If you've ever felt this way, please know you are not alone.

I was a geeky, heavier kid, and connecting with others that were not adults was difficult.I always had this feeling of being “Less than” or “Not a part of”. The sting of being ridiculed by peers and sometimes even adults took a very emotional toll. Other times I was “on display” for people's amusement;  but mostly, I just felt completely invisible. I did some afterschool activities like dance and baseball and basketball. But once home, as an only child I felt often alone so I retreated into the comfort of books and television—until junior high, that is.

In junior high, things began to shift. I started making friends; one of them is still a cherished friend to this day. I'd grown taller and lost some weight, but in hindsight, all I really wanted was acceptance and friendship. This craving, however, allowed me to welcome toxic friendships into my life. I started going out more, and meeting a more eclectic group of  people.  As you know, the company you keep has a way of shaping you. It certainly shaped me. I fell in with a crowd that was into anything and everything. I made countless awful decisions that changed the trajectory of my life. However, I am here today because I finally learned how to take accountability for those decisions that no longer define me. 

At 21, my struggle led me to the psych ward for the first time, though I’d been in and out of therapy since I was eleven, this was a shock. If you have ever experienced that I greatly empathize with you. Depression is an awful state of existence that no one should have to experience. I have struggled with thoughts of ending my life many times, feeling hollow; constantly asking that agonizing question, “Why?” By my late 20s, I’d slowed down the partying and was trying to build a career, but it was a disaster. I was constantly calling out or leaving early—all I truly wanted was to drink to numb the pain and feel what I thought was better. 

I had relationships, one in particular that was a brutal, up-close education on what addiction truly was. Before him, I hadn't connected the dots in my own life. That relationship was so destructive that it led to me being put in handcuffs on the night of my 30th birthday. He had a way of drawing out both the best and the absolute worst in me. It was a lesson I now believe I was meant to learn. When we finally walked away from each other for good, my drinking and partying roared back to life. I felt "free" to fully do as I wanted without having to watch over my ex anymore.

At 34, a new man came into my life—a truly supportive and watchful person as I see now with some reflection. He let me drink exactly how I wanted, which meant from the moment I woke up until I passed out.  But I understand now that he was doing his best to help a person he loved while they struggled so badly with addiction to something that it took her to the brink of death. Going even four hours without a drink would trigger terrifying withdrawals. My health was awful. I ended up in the hospital twice with life-threatening complications, once even being put on life support because of likely-fatal pancreatitis. It was terrifying.

When I was finally released from the hospital, I started attending AA. I met incredible people who were there because they, too, knew they needed to change. I found a mentor who lovingly guided me through the book, offering me a completely new perspective on life. For the next two years though I struggled in a cycle—I’d get four or five months of sobriety, only to relapse and start drinking again. Losing more and more self respect, relationships and peace along the way.

In July of 2021, I finally received the "Yet" I had always feared: a DUI. I also totaled my car that night. Those handcuffs were the final, absolute last straw for me. I knew, with every fiber of my being, that I could not continue down that path. I started going to meetings as if my life depended on it—because it did. I was at my recovery spot so often that I was given a key and would open up and prepare things for the day. It felt good to finally have a purpose again.

During the pandemic, I spent countless hours on my laptop, chairing meetings in a 24/7 online space. It kept me connected. I made friends from all over the world on that meeting and I stay in contact with most of them. After I got my one year, I started to pull back from AA a bit and went to more buddhist based setp meetings. I’ve also done all sorts of other things to help my recovery, as it takes various paths for everyone. 

Today, I have an incredible calling and purpose in life: helping others who are still caught in the struggle. The obnoxious, painful alcoholic behaviors are in the past. It’s been over 4 and a half years since I last drank or used, and my life has become so peaceful. Most of all I have learned to accept myself and be comfortable in my alone time. But please understand, it required me to show up and do the work.

More than anything, I want to see you find your own beautiful path in recovery and build the life you've always dreamed of. If you’re looking for someone who will be fiercely in your corner—holding you accountable with love, and cheering for your every win—then you have absolutely found your person.