My name is Chris, and I serve as an Accountable Recovery Specialist. I am currently in long-term recovery.

Reflecting on my life today, I recognized early on that I was different. I consistently felt uncomfortable in my own skin. Elementary school presented challenges. I did not excel academically and struggled with social anxiety, leading me to seek comfort in food. This behavior marked the genesis of my alcoholism, as it initiated a pattern of seeking external sources for solace. My parents recounted instances of me becoming ill, such as vomiting in my crib at age two after consuming my father's alcoholic drinks at a party, and requiring hospitalization around age six after rapidly consuming my entire Easter basket and becoming severely unwell. I experienced a weight problem and was subjected to bullying. Lacking understanding of appropriate emotional management, I internalized my feelings and resorted to eating as a coping mechanism. By Junior High school, the bullying intensified.

Unable to continue suppressing my profound anger, I began exercising. While I lost weight rapidly, this period saw the emergence of an eating disorder. New difficulties arose. Having felt isolated for most of my life, I was ill-equipped to manage the social acceptance I was now experiencing. My lack of self-confidence caused me to base my self-esteem on the opinions of others, leading me into codependent relationships. Sex became a new maladaptive coping mechanism. I completed only three semesters of college before entering the workforce at 19. Throughout my twenties, my life was primarily centered on sex, substance abuse, and financial gain. In 1993, I was arrested just prior to a planned trip to Amsterdam to attend the Cannabis Cup. I was compelled to cancel my travel plans to avoid detection by my probation officer. However, this event did not deter my descent further into addiction. After several additional encounters with law enforcement, I began to perceive a clear direction for my future. Mentally, I grasped that I was on a trajectory toward incarceration if I did not alter my course.

The path to recovery is, however, rarely linear. I struggled significantly to find my way forward. The darkness progressively deepened until I lost my job and faced uncertainty regarding how I would financially support my family, which included a young baby boy and a household to maintain. I became open to change, and it was during this period that my relationship with a Higher Power became a tangible reality for me. Although I had offered many prayers of desperation over the years, this was the moment I genuinely accepted the belief in a force operating in my life that was greater than myself. I surrendered to this belief, and my life began to transform.

I eventually returned to college to complete my Bachelor of Arts degree in Addiction Studies and secured a new position at a local drug and alcohol treatment facility. This environment proved to be truly life-changing. I was surrounded by many remarkable individuals who shared similar experiences and were actively maintaining sobriety. They provided me with the guidance necessary for recovery. I ultimately admitted to my alcoholism and engaged in a 12-Step program. My life improved—not simply due to abstinence from alcohol, but because I had acquired the necessary tools to navigate any challenge life presented.

Today, I am nearing two decades of sobriety, but the length of time is no longer the central focus. The priority today is how I engage with life and the service work to which I feel called. I have achieved peace and serenity, and I am committed to doing whatever is necessary to protect it. This is also attainable for you.