Katie's Story

Katie McKenna • Aug 26, 2021

Katie's Story

I was a shy, quiet kid. Behind that shyness was intense anxiety. Afraid to be seen, afraid to be the center of attention, afraid to speak up, afraid to be heard- that was me. This anxiety caused me to have extremely painful stomach aches every day at school. My parents took me to the doctors where I was poked and prodded and finally told that nothing was physically wrong with me but, I had “anxiety”. They gave me a prescription for some green liquid medicine that helped soothe my stomach pain but did absolutely nothing to ease my fears. So, I was left to just handle my anxiety on my own. I felt confused and embarrassed for being such a scared kid. I just wanted to feel normal. 


Enter alcohol. I think I was 12 the first time I drank alcohol. What I remember very well is that I immediately LOVED it, because it took all my anxiety away. I wasn’t shy anymore! It made me love being the center of attention! I could talk nonstop, to anyone, and it was fun! I drank whenever I had the opportunity all through my teens. In addition, drinking made me very open and willing to experiment with other drugs. Alcohol, though, became the one I loved the most. 


My addiction to alcohol then developed at warp speed.  By the time I was 21 I knew I had a serious problem. I dropped out of college at age 22 to go to rehab. When that didn’t work, I struggled for 3 more years trying to stop on my own. I cannot describe what the mental anguish is like knowing you’re trapped in an addiction and not knowing how to free yourself. After crashing my car driving drunk one night, I finally agreed to go to another treatment program. I knew deep down, my time had come. 


I was extremely fortunate to enter the program “Teen Challenge” on November 20th, 1999. We were not allowed to smoke there, so I had to throw my cigarettes away before I walked through the doors. It’s crazy to look back on because that day I stopped drinking, doing drugs AND smoking all on the same day and I have never gone back! It’s been 21 years. Almost 22! 


Reflecting on everything, I think the reason I was finally able to get sober is that I just surrendered. 


I knew if I went back, it would only lead to more mental anguish, pain, and misery. It was terrifying and felt like jumping off a cliff. However, I was willing to take that plunge into the unknown by just clinging to a glimmer of hope that my life would get better. 


My life did get better, so much better, and it gets better all the time. Over the years I have found so much support and encouragement in the form of support groups, counselors, healers, coaches, mentors. To this day, I still cry tears of sheer gratitude when I remember how far I’ve come and all the truly special people who’ve helped me along the way. It’s only natural for me to want to help others who’ve been in that dark place I was once in, because I know they can come out of it too. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s 100% possible. You’re not too old, and it’s not too late. We do recover. 

Marking Women's History Month: A Reflection on Sobriety, Self-Acceptance, and Shaping My Legacy

By Nicole Benoist, CPS, CCAR • 29 Mar, 2024
As we conclude Women's History Month, I have been thinking about what being a woman means to me at this stage in life. In just a few weeks, I will (hopefully) enter my fourth year of sobriety, a journey that intersects with another milestone: my 50th birthday in November. Reflecting on the woman I have evolved into, I am at peace. The false sense of all-knowing that once dominated my youth has given way to a welcomed uncertainty. My heart is open to the possibilities that life has yet to unveil—undiscovered people, places, and experiences. The path ahead is a beautiful unknown; I'm meeting it with open arms. My sobriety has been transformative, illuminating the brighter paths in life while diminishing the darker trails. Most importantly, it has taught me that my history does not dictate my destiny. My journey through life has given me invaluable lessons about my limitations and the beauty of accepting them. The jewels of my existence—faith, family, career, a close circle of friends, and self-care—finally have the focus they deserve. Through forgiveness, I have learned to cultivate love and compassion for myself. I have discovered the strength to alter the course of my life through persistence, discipline, and patience. My spiritual connection has deepened in unimaginable ways, offering a new perspective on my relationship with God. The complex challenges of parenthood have revealed themselves as both the most demanding and rewarding endeavors of my life, underscoring the inevitability of imperfection. I've found vulnerability is not a weakness but a conduit to genuine connection, understanding, and profound love. As I navigate through life, the narrative of my personal history continues to unfold, prompting introspection about the legacy I aspire to leave behind. The impact of my place in the world becomes of utmost importance—what does legacy mean to me? This question often guides my advice to my children: "Did you leave that conversation, person, or situation better than you found it?" My ambition is that my legacy will be the sum of positive daily interactions and acts of kindness that collectively contribute to a more compassionate world. This reflection is not just a personal testament but a universal invitation to embrace the unknown with grace, to recognize the transformative power of self-acceptance, and to acknowledge the profound influence of individual actions on the fabric of our shared humanity.

Embracing Our Essence: A Women's History Month Reflection on Rediscovering and Celebrating Authentic Womanhood

By Ailish Abbate, PRC • 22 Mar, 2024
To all the women reading this, it's clear that the mantle of womanhood carries an immense burden. Our surroundings incessantly dictate the essence of being a woman, often presenting a paradox: to embody everything yet simultaneously embody the antithesis. The act of womanhood propels us far from our origins, to the extent of erasing the memory of our childhood streets. It nudges us toward oblivion, making us forget our desires, preferences, and identities. Navigating womanhood correctly seems an unattainable feat, pushing us to seek love, acceptance, and validation externally. I, too, succumbed to these norms of womanhood, adhering to expectations that dictated my body size, compliance, and emotional expression. I was taught that self-prioritization is selfish, that expressing emotions is overly dramatic, and that any display of humanity is frowned upon. I believed that to fit in, I had to diminish myself—altering my appearance, interests, and essence. In a world where self-love is an act of defiance, I desperately sought validation elsewhere. My encounter with drugs and alcohol falsely promised me inclusion into the desired mold of womanhood, allowing me to display the traits I believed were necessary. However, this pursuit led me to a breaking point, bending over backward to conform to an imposed standard. Sobriety became the key to liberating my true self, embarking on a journey back to my roots. It has allowed me to reconstruct the meaning of womanhood, celebrating qualities like compassion, strength, intelligence, bravery, sensitivity, and wisdom. The burdens I once bore have been replaced with profound gratitude for the honor of belonging to the extraordinary collective known as women. In celebration of International Women's Day, let's embrace the diversity and strength inherent in womanhood, forging a path of empowerment and self-discovery.

Breaking Barriers: Black History Month and the Intersection of Mental Health and Substance Use Disorder

By Nick Dansby, RCP • 23 Feb, 2024
February marks the celebration of Black History Month, a time to recognize the invaluable contributions of African Americans throughout history and today. Beyond the achievements and milestones, it’s imperative to shed light on the intersections of mental health within the black community. First-hand experience has exposed the gaps in access to treatment. Historical adversities like slavery and systemic exclusion from leverage, equity, inclusion and basic human rights have left a lasting impact, manifesting as socio-economic disparities and barriers to mental health treatment today. The Connection Between Black History and Mental Health: While mental health conditions don’t discriminate based on race, the challenges of accessing adequate mental health treatment are more common for people of color, particularly African Americans. Misdiagnosis, limited access to healthcare, and the scarcity of African American mental health professionals contribute to a significant disparity in mental health outcomes. After an unprovoked assault in 2017, I was told by a therapist that I had exhibited symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). However, the follow-up, specialist referral, an official diagnosis and treatment were all lacking. Key Trends: The statistics reveal a harsh reality. African American adults are 20% more likely to experience mental health issues than the rest of the population. Black young people face challenges in accessing mental health services compared to their white counterparts. Only 25% of African Americans seek treatment for mental health issues, in contrast to 40% of Caucasian individuals. Socioeconomic factors further propagate the situation, with those living below the poverty line being three times more likely to report severe psychological distress. The Role of Stigma and Lack of Representation: Misdiagnosis by healthcare professionals, societal stigma, and a shortage of black mental health practitioners contribute to the current plight of access to mental health resources in the black community. The underrepresentation of blacks in mental health professions, as highlighted by the statistics, creates a significant gap in culturally competent care. 6.2% of psychologists, 5.6% of advanced-practice psychiatric nurses, 12.6% of social workers, and 21.3% of psychiatrists are members of underrepresented groups. Remember my therapist who informed me about my PTSD? Well, she was also black. I’ve often wondered if she was equipped to complete a full diagnosis, with recommended treatment. Or did she face barriers in performing her professional duties? Paving the Way for Change: Black History Month serves as a reminder to work continually towards breaking down those barriers for the underrepresented, ensuring equal access to mental health and substance abuse resources. Notable figures like Dr. Solomon Carter Fuller, Dr. Paul Cornely, and Mamie Phipps Clark have paved the way for equitable healthcare, making significant contributions to psychiatry, public health, and psychology, respectively. A Call to Action: As Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. wisely stated, progress requires relentless forward movement. Beyond February, it is our collective responsibility to advocate for equal access and dismantle the barriers preventing adequate mental health care. By building awareness, supporting initiatives that promote inclusivity, and demanding change at all levels, we can contribute to a society where mental health is prioritized for everyone. And, hopefully, we may all experience a world where all voices of positive self advocacy are welcomed and encouraged. Sources: Excerpts and data used from Discoverymood.com, National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), American Psychological Association, American Psychiatric Association, and Plymouth Psych Group
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