A Letter to my Younger Self Embarking on My Recovery Journey

Katie McKenna • Nov 08, 2021

A Letter to my Younger Self Embarking on My Recovery Journey

Let’s face it. The decision to get sober is terrifying. You have no clue what the future holds, or if you’re even going to be able to pull it off. I myself was scared stiff going into treatment. I wish now that I could let my frightened little younger self know that she would be okay, actually better than okay. I would write her a letter of support and encouragement, painting a picture of her journey, and assuring her that there is, indeed, a beautiful light at the end of the tunnel. 


(This is written based on my personal experience, but if you, the reader, are in a similar situation please take what resonates as an encouragement to you as well.) 


Dear Katie,


You are doing such a wonderful thing for yourself right now. It is important for you to know that taking this step to get help for yourself is an act of courage. You are much braver than you believe yourself to be at this moment. The choice here boils down to life or death and you’ve chosen life. You are walking away from a version of yourself who believes she needs to be numbed at all times, who is scared of emotional pain, who is ashamed of herself; ashamed to her core. You are walking away from those horrible nightly blackouts. You are leaving behind the morning-afters where your brain scrambles to fill in the black holes of your memory with a zillion worst case scenarios. Taking these baby steps into the unknown is evidence that something in you loves yourself more than you hate yourself. This is powerful! Remember that. Give yourself credit for your inner strength and believing that you didn’t come to Earth for everyone to witness your self-destruction. 


Let go of the idea that getting sober is impossible. It is 100% possible, do-able, and attainable for you. Thankfully there are many people who’ve already travelled down this road and are willing to support you as you start out on your own path. You will find that these people are some of the most amazing souls you will ever know. They all somehow seem to possess a fierce and determined inner warrior. You’ll see. Let them help you.

The moment you decide that there is no turning back is the moment you surrender, and let go. It feels like jumping off a cliff, but trust me, those people will be there to catch you. So trust and believe that all the help and support is there for you if you’re willing to receive it.

Yes, it’s extremely scary to let go, but you are going to gain SO MUCH more than what you’ve lost and over time you will see this. The people who’ve been put in your path to help are going to genuinely love and accept you for exactly who you are, a worthy and deserving human being. This will be profoundly healing to you. Once your heart begins to receive this love, it will hit you that you’ve been searching for this love for a long, long time. Know that you deserve this, don’t be scared to let it in. It will overflow and you’ll eventually be able to give it to others, which is… beautiful. 


Early recovery feels a lot like puberty so be prepared! Everything feels awkward. The numbness wears off and you feel all your feelings again and it’s so raw at first. You’ll be moody and all around uncomfortable. Your physical body is adjusting to the change. Your brain is healing as well. This is okay, though. This is life! You are experiencing life and not running from it now. You will embrace it to the best of your ability, and it will get easier over time.

You believed for a long time that you needed alcohol and/or drugs just to interact with other human beings. So now, you’re going to have to learn to interact as your authentic self. It feels REALLY WEIRD at first! Just keep going, keep practicing, keep believing that you can be a social being without alcohol, or any other substances. Just as puberty is a phase, the oddness of being a newly sober person does wear off. You adjust, and you blossom into a whole new you! It will dawn on you that you are okay, exactly how you are. Your future self is so proud of you, because I know how scared you felt of just being you. Your future self is giving you permission to just be you, because you are worth knowing. 


You will learn so much from other people, you will learn to communicate, you will learn how to truly connect with others, you will learn how to confront and resolve conflict. This will not be perfect or easy and it will always be a work in progress, but this will lead you to connect with a ton of different people you would never connect with otherwise. Since you’ve stopped numbing yourself to everyone and everything, your eyes and your heart will be open to see the commonalities in us all. Your compassion and empathy will grow by leaps and bounds. This will ultimately lead you to love a lot of different people. Love is really what life is all about. This is where your journey leads you to, it leads you to love. You’re going to learn to love yourself, and learn to love others. This is why it is so important that you KEEP GOING!

Now, none of this is going to be “perfect” and I want to urge you to let go of the idea that everything, including you, has to be perfect always, all the time. That’s not life. You will face many challenges along the way, and there will be people who don’t accept the new you. There will be people who will be straight up mean to you. This hurts, this hurts REALLY bad (especially without anything to blot out the pain). This is why I want to encourage you to keep going, keep recovering, and keep seeking out the support of others in recovery and other like-minded people. Every single challenge you face and all of the pain you will experience is an opportunity for you to grow, and you will grow. You’ll learn forgiveness, of yourself and others, you will learn when to let go, when to walk away, and how to be thankful for everything. All of this will take a lot of time but you’ll be blessed along the way with really happy, positive, and magical experiences so DON’T GIVE UP!


Your recovery is all about patching up your wounded soul with love, and learning to live life all over again. When the cravings fade into the background, and the weirdness wears off you will discover that you actually like your life a lot better sober. And when you’re strong enough, you’ll be able to help others along with their journeys. This will also be hard, but so gratifying!


To sum it all up: the beginning of your recovery will feel downright scary a lot of the time. There will be a phase that feels incredibly weird and uncomfortable, but keep going and receive all the support you possibly can, and then the time will come when you transition out of that phase. You, as a butterfly, will emerge from your cocoon of transformation. You will fly and be free. You will thank yourself over and over again for making this decision. It is all SO worth it. 

Marking Women's History Month: A Reflection on Sobriety, Self-Acceptance, and Shaping My Legacy

By Nicole Benoist, CPS, CCAR • 29 Mar, 2024
As we conclude Women's History Month, I have been thinking about what being a woman means to me at this stage in life. In just a few weeks, I will (hopefully) enter my fourth year of sobriety, a journey that intersects with another milestone: my 50th birthday in November. Reflecting on the woman I have evolved into, I am at peace. The false sense of all-knowing that once dominated my youth has given way to a welcomed uncertainty. My heart is open to the possibilities that life has yet to unveil—undiscovered people, places, and experiences. The path ahead is a beautiful unknown; I'm meeting it with open arms. My sobriety has been transformative, illuminating the brighter paths in life while diminishing the darker trails. Most importantly, it has taught me that my history does not dictate my destiny. My journey through life has given me invaluable lessons about my limitations and the beauty of accepting them. The jewels of my existence—faith, family, career, a close circle of friends, and self-care—finally have the focus they deserve. Through forgiveness, I have learned to cultivate love and compassion for myself. I have discovered the strength to alter the course of my life through persistence, discipline, and patience. My spiritual connection has deepened in unimaginable ways, offering a new perspective on my relationship with God. The complex challenges of parenthood have revealed themselves as both the most demanding and rewarding endeavors of my life, underscoring the inevitability of imperfection. I've found vulnerability is not a weakness but a conduit to genuine connection, understanding, and profound love. As I navigate through life, the narrative of my personal history continues to unfold, prompting introspection about the legacy I aspire to leave behind. The impact of my place in the world becomes of utmost importance—what does legacy mean to me? This question often guides my advice to my children: "Did you leave that conversation, person, or situation better than you found it?" My ambition is that my legacy will be the sum of positive daily interactions and acts of kindness that collectively contribute to a more compassionate world. This reflection is not just a personal testament but a universal invitation to embrace the unknown with grace, to recognize the transformative power of self-acceptance, and to acknowledge the profound influence of individual actions on the fabric of our shared humanity.

Embracing Our Essence: A Women's History Month Reflection on Rediscovering and Celebrating Authentic Womanhood

By Ailish Abbate, PRC • 22 Mar, 2024
To all the women reading this, it's clear that the mantle of womanhood carries an immense burden. Our surroundings incessantly dictate the essence of being a woman, often presenting a paradox: to embody everything yet simultaneously embody the antithesis. The act of womanhood propels us far from our origins, to the extent of erasing the memory of our childhood streets. It nudges us toward oblivion, making us forget our desires, preferences, and identities. Navigating womanhood correctly seems an unattainable feat, pushing us to seek love, acceptance, and validation externally. I, too, succumbed to these norms of womanhood, adhering to expectations that dictated my body size, compliance, and emotional expression. I was taught that self-prioritization is selfish, that expressing emotions is overly dramatic, and that any display of humanity is frowned upon. I believed that to fit in, I had to diminish myself—altering my appearance, interests, and essence. In a world where self-love is an act of defiance, I desperately sought validation elsewhere. My encounter with drugs and alcohol falsely promised me inclusion into the desired mold of womanhood, allowing me to display the traits I believed were necessary. However, this pursuit led me to a breaking point, bending over backward to conform to an imposed standard. Sobriety became the key to liberating my true self, embarking on a journey back to my roots. It has allowed me to reconstruct the meaning of womanhood, celebrating qualities like compassion, strength, intelligence, bravery, sensitivity, and wisdom. The burdens I once bore have been replaced with profound gratitude for the honor of belonging to the extraordinary collective known as women. In celebration of International Women's Day, let's embrace the diversity and strength inherent in womanhood, forging a path of empowerment and self-discovery.

Breaking Barriers: Black History Month and the Intersection of Mental Health and Substance Use Disorder

By Nick Dansby, RCP • 23 Feb, 2024
February marks the celebration of Black History Month, a time to recognize the invaluable contributions of African Americans throughout history and today. Beyond the achievements and milestones, it’s imperative to shed light on the intersections of mental health within the black community. First-hand experience has exposed the gaps in access to treatment. Historical adversities like slavery and systemic exclusion from leverage, equity, inclusion and basic human rights have left a lasting impact, manifesting as socio-economic disparities and barriers to mental health treatment today. The Connection Between Black History and Mental Health: While mental health conditions don’t discriminate based on race, the challenges of accessing adequate mental health treatment are more common for people of color, particularly African Americans. Misdiagnosis, limited access to healthcare, and the scarcity of African American mental health professionals contribute to a significant disparity in mental health outcomes. After an unprovoked assault in 2017, I was told by a therapist that I had exhibited symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). However, the follow-up, specialist referral, an official diagnosis and treatment were all lacking. Key Trends: The statistics reveal a harsh reality. African American adults are 20% more likely to experience mental health issues than the rest of the population. Black young people face challenges in accessing mental health services compared to their white counterparts. Only 25% of African Americans seek treatment for mental health issues, in contrast to 40% of Caucasian individuals. Socioeconomic factors further propagate the situation, with those living below the poverty line being three times more likely to report severe psychological distress. The Role of Stigma and Lack of Representation: Misdiagnosis by healthcare professionals, societal stigma, and a shortage of black mental health practitioners contribute to the current plight of access to mental health resources in the black community. The underrepresentation of blacks in mental health professions, as highlighted by the statistics, creates a significant gap in culturally competent care. 6.2% of psychologists, 5.6% of advanced-practice psychiatric nurses, 12.6% of social workers, and 21.3% of psychiatrists are members of underrepresented groups. Remember my therapist who informed me about my PTSD? Well, she was also black. I’ve often wondered if she was equipped to complete a full diagnosis, with recommended treatment. Or did she face barriers in performing her professional duties? Paving the Way for Change: Black History Month serves as a reminder to work continually towards breaking down those barriers for the underrepresented, ensuring equal access to mental health and substance abuse resources. Notable figures like Dr. Solomon Carter Fuller, Dr. Paul Cornely, and Mamie Phipps Clark have paved the way for equitable healthcare, making significant contributions to psychiatry, public health, and psychology, respectively. A Call to Action: As Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. wisely stated, progress requires relentless forward movement. Beyond February, it is our collective responsibility to advocate for equal access and dismantle the barriers preventing adequate mental health care. By building awareness, supporting initiatives that promote inclusivity, and demanding change at all levels, we can contribute to a society where mental health is prioritized for everyone. And, hopefully, we may all experience a world where all voices of positive self advocacy are welcomed and encouraged. Sources: Excerpts and data used from Discoverymood.com, National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), American Psychological Association, American Psychiatric Association, and Plymouth Psych Group
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